Shut up & Be Happy

These are things that I love. I'm listing them mostly for my benefit, to focus on the good things of life.

• waking up underneath a pile of soft, warm covers (even if you have to get out of them soon)
• first hearing an amazing song that sends chills down your spine
• having that song come on on the radio when you get in a car, store, etc
• a sincere returned smile
• not even being slightly tired at 3 in the morning.
• being totally & completely lazy on a saturday morning
• the whole feeling the coming of spring brings
• Going to one of my websites and a new episode of The Office or Scrubs or any other of my fav. shows has been added!
• a long, warm, back breaking hug that you don't wanna break lose from (don't get much of these but i love em)
• laughing so hard it hurts, so hard that much later ur stomach is still sore
• singing in the shower
• rollercoaster feeling (it's crazy and it's cruel but it's amazing)
• the smell of fresh cut grass and lilacs on a summer day
• finding the perfect article of clothing for a low price :)
• a love story/movie that makes you cry it's so real
• strumming a chord on the guitar that sounds different but so perfect
• curling up in bed with junk food by my side(maybe even a bowl of melted chocolate chips & pb) and reading a book or watching a good flick
• the refreshing feeling of jumping into a cool pool of water on a hot day
• totally pigging out on chinese food (mmmmm cream cheese wontons!)
• running in the evening when it's about to get dark
• taking pictures that turn out to be really good n then spending hours messing with them in photoshop to make them even better
• seeing the lady with the pony tail on top of her head
• being able to have a good cry & let everything out that you've held in for weeks or months
• having ur ear phones in, music up REAL loud, and just watching the world go by on a trip to anywhere.
• waterfights (i miss them)
• a baby or little kid finding safety in your arms (their love is the best in the world)
• an intelligent conversation about anything & everything, that lasts until who knows when in the a.m.
• seeing someone you haven't seen in what seems like forever (when sometimes it's only been a few days or weeks)
• playing a pretty song on the piano
• happy gas :D
• being utterly exhausted to the point of sleep walking, and finally being able to lay your head on the pillow.
• exhilleration of driving REALLY fast over a hill
• pulling an all nighter
• seeing a pregnant woman (it's not weird ok? I think lil prego bellies are cute, but i won't have one anytime soon hahahha...ha. promise)
• sleeping under the stars. swinging under the stars
• waking up in the freezing cold and hopping in a warm almost hot shower
• watching a scary movie
• driving a 4 wheeler...WOOO!!
• sleeping/tanning in the sun :) it's warm & relaxing
• being so friggin hyper that you entertain yourself with being hyper
• getting to work with all my favorite people at once, it's a party
• customers being understanding & nice on a busy stressful day
• christmas music playing, and all the lights off in the house cept the ones on the tree
• Learning more and more about myself
• knowing you have someone you can trust in ur life, someone that'll be there for you fer always
• dressing up. (it's the little girl inside of me)
• knowing the words to a song
• head banging.
• having a weekend with the house to myself!!!
• looking into the future and seeing something good even though u don't know what it is
• drawing, sketching, doodling,
• hearing a song that reminds me of someone and thinking about them. even if it's kinda sad
• being able to lay your head down and actually SLEEP in class. (in Sivert's this reward is greatest)
• playing tennis and actually hitting the ball not out of bounds haha
• hearing an old song that you used to love, find out u still do
• reading something that really hits you, makes you think
• coming in to work & not having to make frysauce. And slow days. yay
• having totally WaCkEd dreams and remembering them so I can think about it all day :P
• seeing a cute/hot/gorgeous guy in a place you wouldn't expect..heck anywhere anytime it's good to see one.
• playing sims for hours on end
• thinking about a guy that you might could have a chance with
• passing a challenging song on guitar hero that took you countless times
• knowing that i can count on these and many more things to make me happy in my life.

There's so much more in my life that makes me happy but for now i'll leave it at this I spose, it's already pretty long. I could probably make a list of things that make me mad or sad, but that's for another time. For right now, I wanna think about the happy stuff.

You go, go now and make a happy list too. It might not make you completely happy but it's good to think about this stuff once in a while. I'll probably think of more stuff after I post this but what the heck my memory sucks! it is not reliable.

luff yew. 8)

Amor <3

This is a song by Adam Sandler, I've always loved it cuz it's funny but at the same time it's a description of the best kind of love.

"I wanna make you smile whenever you're sad
Carry you around when your arthritis is bad
All I wanna do is grow old with you
I'll get your medicine when your tummy aches
Build you a fire if the furnace breaks
Oh it could be so nice, growing old with you
I'll miss you, I'll kiss you
Give you my coat when you are cold
I'll need you, I'll feed you
Even let ya hold the remote control
So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink
Put you to bed if you've had too much to drink.
I could be the man who grows old with you. I wanna grow old with you <3"

Funny thing is, I don't know if I believe in all of this. People fall in love, and they think 'this is going to last FOREVER' and eventually they both lose those feelings they had in the very beginning. it's not as exciting, they've stopped caring so much. it's just...lost. There are those rare couples (mostly old ones) that still constantly show their love and it's still alive n kickin. woo
I dunno, it just makes me kinda sad that falling in love doesn't promise that feeling forever. It just fades away.
I know it sounds pessimistic of me but it's reality. And this is what's affecting my decision of marriage. A lot of marriages I see that I thought were going really well, aren't. They're staying together because they feel they have to, or maybe they're just tired and don't want to be alone. They're miserable and stuck. I don't want that, and it's pretty inevitable that if I get married the same thing will happen to me. :( it's a ways a way but it'll creep up on me, on everyone my age, really fast. I haven't even been in love, but I'm scared that if I do, it'll turn out the same as everyone else. oh well. life is...mmm beautiful.

Ruthe! I'm very disappointed in U!

So, I make this decision to actually DO stuff. Make use of my talents, do homework, make something worth while like scrapbook or make a cheesecake (ya right)....And what do i do?.......

I play with my pet frog Phil on facebook and write stupid meaningless blogs that no one reads.

pathetic much? YUSS. I should be writing in my REAL journal. but that's just as meaningless so who cares.

ANYWHO. I think right now, no matter how far behind i might be (i need to study for history, and do annotated bibliographies, and writing logs, and who knows what in Gen. Finance) I don't want to do any of it, and i won't until the very last minute.
That is one of my MAJOR flaws. I can't bring myself to do stuff on time or early. i JuSs can't.

And guess what..........i'm starting to miss work. WHAT was that ruthe?!! YES, I miss work. I only worked one day this whole week and robin wouldn't let me work another one and i was a total BUM on saturday n i REALLY wanted to be at work. I can't explain why cuz i don't know why.
SATURDAYS SUCK ANYWAYS.

where did my life go? Or did i even have one .....hmmmm...

Madness is Genius

So after many failed attempts to do a decent 'pedicure' on mah toes (i finally decided on red with black x's just...in case u were wondering..) i got bored, so....i found something else to do, something that might seem full of vanity and vain-ness, but isn't. not really no.

&

Here's what happens with one camera, one girl, a Serif PhotoPlus 6.0 program, and insanity from feeling like ur gonna puke every 5 minutes:

I know i lack the ability to put pictures together in a decent collage but i did it anyways!!! THAT'S determination 8)

Hold your breath

These next few days are going to be an experience that's for sure.
Tonight we had a candelight dedication in the cold for Shilo & Micah. Earlier on I saw all these cousins I haven't seen in a long time and there will be more at the funeral. Pretty much I'm trying to see the good points from what's been happening and that's one of them. Seeing how much people have changed...& yes I actually do have one hot cousin so that's always good to know..hoorah.

I think I've just learned a lot. I've had all these discussions with my brother and sisters about this, and about life. My life isn't so very changed but my point of view has and I've decided I want to be someone who left their print on the world. Maybe not the world but on SOMEONE.
I want to leave people breathless, to make them want to know me, want to learn something from me. I want them to miss me when I'm gone. When I'm long gone I want to be remembered as more than just a girl who died & it was kinda sad. Micah & Shilo left some kind of print in people's lives. They didn't know it always but they made people fall madly in love with them.
I think right now I just want to know who I am and if I'm the type of girl that'll do that too. These deaths have made me think a lot about life. Who knows when death will reach out his dirty hand and claim you. I don't. I thought so badly I wanted to be taken. Right now I guess I still feel that way but I think I still want more time to at least know how much I'm worth in this world.
I feel like something in me is hiding. For example I don't sing anymore unless I'm alone. I'm pretty good sometimes but my throat closes when I have to sing in front of anyone. Hymns, in the car, anywhere. I can't do it because I'm scared. I love to sing it makes me happy, like it did in Primary, it was my favorite part. I don't know what happened in me or when it happened, but I've lost everything but fear. I'm scared to be who I am and I hate it. I hate judgment it criples me. I think that's why I love little kids so much, they just can't judge you. I think back and when I was a little kid I wasn't afraid to be who I was even if I didn't know. I wasn't scared of people because I was in my own little happy world. I miss that world. It's now really just a world of confusion and self hate. I'm gonna start doing something about that.
High school's all about finding who you are. I'm ready.

Why?

This is a picture of pretty much the last time I saw them at the August Famly Reunion. They're on the far right. Shilo & Micah

I just found out that my 2 beautiful cousins died in a car crash this morning.
I'm not that close to them, always jealous of them because their gorgeous and people you like to be around, but I can't believe it.
Shilo and her boyfriend were going to pick out engagement rings.

WHY does this kind of stuff happen? I don't understand it. Of course it has to happen but why in the most inconvienient times...
it's not fair. everytime something like this happens it's always someone so loved, or just all around a really good person. I can't help thinking why couldn't I have been in their place, why I couldn't of gone and them stay. I'm not scared of death and it would just be so much better. They had their lives ready to be lived, it was going SO good for them. Right now nothing makes sense and it makes me angry.

There's a LOT of crumbs in my keyboard

This is from Dallas's blog

1. Leave one memory that you and I had together, as a comment on my blog. Anything goes.

2. Next, re-post these instructions on your blog and see how many people leave a memory about you. It's actually pretty funny to see the responses. If you leave a memory about me, I'll check to see if you're playing the game and I'll come to your blog and leave one about you.

Hit Me With Music

I <3<3<3 Music. It's what changes my mood when I need it to, or takes me somewhere else when I don't want to be here.

Bob Marley said it best when he said: one good thing about music, when it hits you feel no pain.

Which I guess isn't always true, cuz music has brought out all kinds of emotions in me including pain. It's like a link to a lot of my memories and whatever I felt at the time.

I REALLY wish I could write songs, lyrics, but i have a hard time putting my thoughts into words n it sucks cuz music is a good way to express feelings. Trust me I've tried writing and it can turn out pretty corny so I give up. I leave it to the professionals to write and they write stuff that I can connect to, so that's good enough.

One of the best feelings in the world is listening to a song that really hits you. Like a song that you can completely relate to, you feel like they wrote it for you or you could've even written (if you weren't a handicapped writer). A song with words that 'satisfies' your appetite i guess. I dunno how else to put it, but music is kinda like hunger....and that's all I'm going to say because if I keep going I will totally mess up anything I'm trying to say..

ahem.

Music is mah anti-drug. WOOO!!! Just laying down, listening to lyrics and thinking about their meaning keeps me from smoking a joint, i'm telling you! :P

Here are Some (just some cuz there are SO many) artists that write stuff that i connect to or just love listening to.

The killers

Nirvana

Tegan & Sara

Sublime

Beatles

Against Me

Another way to Waste my life :)

I refused to get one at first just like I refused to get a facebook...then i'm like ...eh it's not gonna hurt. Mostly I blame Dallas. Dallas if you're out there know this: u deprived this child of sleep! I was gonna go to bed early tonight.

I feel a tad bit naked...
I mean blogs are pretty much public journals and...I have some pretty retarded thoughts...which u will be spared of for the most part.

for all the readers...ahem...stormi....Hi. (My body's name is Ruth and I love her kinda :))

SO today was interesting. History fair working ...fun stuff...and then THE OFFICE!!! FINALLY they put the newest episode on the website..

My love for the Office is unwavering. And today, well it was a good one that's what I gotta say.

The characters are the most odd, craziest, loveable things EVER.
Jim & Pam have the sweetest relationship and the most real one. It's one I aspire to have maybe. It's cute. They're juss...perfect. The end of this episode just proved that they COULD get more perfect. ANYWHO. I'm thinking i should sleep. mehbeh.