Life ISH good.

Wow, I haven't been on here for a while. Dallas's blog made me think a bit about where I think MY life might be somewhere in the future.

My life in the present is really really good, stressful, crazy, full of decisions I find hard to make BUT it's good. I'm passing my college classes (EVEN math) and working at a place I love.

I'm a teacher's Aid for a kindergarten class both Morning and Afternoon class and I LOVE it with a passion. I find myself staying there longer than I'm supposed to because I hate to leave. At first the kids were uneasy, not sure about me. I was discouraged and thought that it wouldn't be as great as I though. Now both classes has warmed up to me and my name is known to them clearly. It's hard to keep up with all of them but I'm determined to help them all the best I can. There's some kids that are really behind and I'll find myself thinking of ways to help them catch up, I want them to have a desire to learn, I want to motivate them somehow.

I love photography but I'm not sure I'm up to the level where I can make that a career. And how many lives will I touch with photography compared to teaching kids. I really want to affect people in some way and this is the way I'm going to do it.

I've also been playing the guitar a lot lately and I've tried different things that make me love it more. I'm not wasting my time so much anymore.

ANYWAYS, thinking of my future it's coming up. I can't be as certain where I'll be but I can have an idea. I'm positive I'll meet someone good to me that I'm not ever unsure about. I'm positive that I'll have children of my own that I love more that life itself. And I can hope that this world won't be so far down so that I can be who I want to, do what I want to.

I'm enjoying my life right now, not living in the future, just thinking about it sometimes and knowing that I'll love it just as much as now. <3

Oh babies

Wellll I think I should thank my sisters for giving me experience with children that's for sure. I just babysat my baby niece & 2 yr old nephew, over night & i got a good look into what it's like to be a mother. I kinda have through all my babysitting experiences but this one really showed me the reality of babies haha. I thought that all you had to do was pretty much hold them sometimes, change their diaper, feed them & it's covered. BUT I obviously didn't think about little things that aren't so easy. Caydence had gas (it's hilarious to hear big farts come out of a little baby) so she was fussy and refused to let me put her down. She loves to be held, which is probably the case with all babies. When she finally stayed asleep for more than 5 minutes all was good. ANYWAYS, the whole night I got about 3 hours of sleep cuz of the cute little stink, and this whole thing along with other experiences with nieces & nephews, helped me make my decision about having kids. They're tough and hard to handle, but totally and completely worth it. So I guess I'm excited about having children. BUT not for a while that's for sure haha

17

ohkaay. Where do I start. This summer isn't over yet but I can feel it sitting there waiting to pounce. The end of summer. I hardly think I can handle it.
It's hard to believe that in a matter of months I've made some friends I'll never forget, I've done things I never would think of doing unless physically forced, and I've fallen in love with a whole new lifestyle that is gonna break my heart to change. UGH i don't think I can do it.
My choices have arrived & I hate how hard it's going to be to make them.
It's either go to Blanding, finish it up with people I've known for most my life-graduate with them & take easy college classes. OR take the big leap & move up here with the idea of staying with these new people who accepted me, & going through the challenges of a new MUCH bigger school, & most likely harder college classes. Right now it's to the point where I'm actually considering the choice I never thought I would. I hate these kind of decisions. But i'm pretty sure my decision is made, it just sucks to think of a whole new option & know that logically you can't take it no matter how much you want to.
And to think, this is only the beginning of these kind of decisions. We all know how good I am @ making big decisions. I think my new technique is to just go for something kinda last minute-you yourself make it so you're pretty much forced to do something you normally wouldn't do, & just know that the outcome will be better.

Oh & I'm 17 today, I'd have to say It's not a new feeling at all, well at least not just today it wasn't, it's kinda been gradual. The change I mean. And seeing my senior pictures I've noticed how much I've physically changed-not drastically, but I can see the subtle hints of change in me. I think I like it but then again I'm mostly curious as to how the finished product of me will look like, be like as a whole. HMMM. mmkay pumpkins time to maybe go to sleep.

Guys R Dumb...

...and that just sucks.

*Let's say a girl likes a guy, a lot...and she can tell he likes her back, BUT let's say this girl is not as outgoing or spunky as other girls-you ACTUALLY have to make an effort to get to know HER. Another girl gives this guy the attention that all boys want, and of course he forgets about that other girl cuz hey..she didn't really really go for him as much as he'd like & she didn't make out with him.*

It seems like this is the story of my life...or somewhere along these lines. I would like to blame the boys but hey...they can't help but be dumb. I'm to blame because yes I fear rejection, but I guess I really don't care, because eventually a guy will maybe take the time to get to know me & it'll be worth it for the both of us.If not, I'll deal, because I'm not going to become easy.

I think I deserve that kind of guy. HOPEFULLY one day a guy will wake up & accept this kind of challenge (and I'd be the reward) of not getting what he wants just as soon as he wants it. HOPEFULLY they'll get tired of this whole process of finding the easiest girl.

BAHAHAHAHAHA 8]

Youth Conference

I was very uneasy about going to my sister's ward's Youth Conference. I was being stupid & I hope I won't be again because if I wouldn't have gone I woulda missed out on some things I needed to experience. I had a blast & I got to know those people more than I know my own ward & I felt more a part of it. There were 4 boys but hey they were some hilarious guys, & the girls were friendly & accepting once you got to know them (which was easy). The leaders were so amazing. The ward was like this perfectly crazy family!

I got to know this girl Ashlee the most because we had a lot in common, but all the girls were awesome! But I'm SO glad I had that experience & I kinda wish I could go to their church every Sunday even after summer. I'm extremely proud of myself for opening up (not as fast as I woulda liked but nonetheless I did) and being myself, accepting & being open to rejection-which there was none thankfully. I think they made it easier for me to be myself though. I look back & think if i would have done this maybe even last year, I would have been half satisfied with being shy & quiet the whole time. It feels so good NOT to do that haha. I just hope I can do it again.
....Also I look like poo in these pictures....we were camping & I made retod faces...I just wasn't the prettiest haha THAT'S OK! :)

Before Manti


Playing Human Foosball & other sorts of games

Me, Shlee, Jaxson takin a time out from ultimate frisbee.

Teeeeter totter :) we're kinda amazing. (I'm on the other side of 'Herman' he's awesome!)


The Manti Temple!

Logan(Twinkletoes), Jaxson, Me, Ashlee, Mckell, Christian, & Kaden(Herman :))

Me, Ashlee, Mckell, Christina @ some random place we stopped.

Christina & 'Shlee'


Me & Mckell



4 wheeling on the Geocache...thing...

They definitely had some gooood food



Our wonderful service project

Summer so far

Here's an update on what I've been doing so far. My summer hasn't been oh so exciting but mostly relaxing/chill whatever & I've enjoyed it. I got to thinking & um turns out I can't stay up here doing this kinda stuff forever (I'm kinda in my own little world up here), I have to go back to Blanding & graduate. *sigh* it's life. I do miss my friends in Blanding but I'm sure they're all doing their thang & I will see them again soon yaaaay! k so here goes:

Mud slide:

Moab trips:






Goblin Valley:



Airshow:


Living Aquarium:
I don't have my pictures of these (Lynnell has them all :)) But this place was pretty cool. The things I liked best were the stingrays that you could touch (I didn't tho) the octopus, & the jellyfish mmhmm.

The birth of my new niece Caydence Dawn Porter:




and uh..there will be more updates I guess. :)

Patio

Wow..today. Today was uneventful but so..eventful(?) at the same time. It's crazy how things are changing for me, and really overwhelming. I feel very rushed somehow. Anywho, my last day at patio-almost didn't work cuz that crazy Shannon thinks I'm Makynna..heheh. I worked with people i normally don't work with, & it wasn't crazy busy, I trained someone and I had a nice burger(that I didn't get to finish).

But I guess it hit me when I lingered at Patio that...this was my LAST time doing any of that.
I haven't cried yet or really been emotional, but i know everytime I see someone from there or go there, it's gonna be a wave of emotion. A lot of my high school years was spent there-gone through crazy powerfreak boss's, the death of a boss, mentally retarded customers requesting burgers wit cheese and uhhh petsi..etc. and it feels like I'm leaving behind a big part of me. I'll miss the people there so much, they're really amazing & fun, it's how I got to know most of the people I know. I don't even know how to sum up my experience there, but it's uhh...I'm gonna friggin miss that place. I've been holding off because I know i'd miss it, but I have to sometime. When I leave this place maybe forever. I've even been thinking about going back after summer but i really don't think I should. I also feel like i dunno..like I left something undone, I dunno. I wanted to take something from there to remember it, but then I realized I don't need something tangible to remember that dang place.

I'm also pretty much packing my room into bags & my car has become my new closet/room. I'm leaving to go up north, who knows what I'll do or when I'll come back (I'll be coming back & forth with siblings probably) but It's crazy because I feel like I'll be forgetting something or missing something. But I can't stay here where I'll be stuck...actually either place I'll be stuck I think. If I wanna do something I have to make it happen I spose.

But I have to get away, for who knows how long. Things will change when I'm gone-people will be unaffected, and life will go on. Just like after graduation. It happens. I can't stay here where I don't know what I'll be doing, if it'll be worth hearing about all the experiences I've missed because no one wanted to invite me. I don't think I can handle that for 2 whole months. Besides, I've left Patio.

I almost feel like I'm leaving...like I've graduated...& then I remember son of a poop I have one more year. That year (or the ending) will have the most overwhelming sense of change ever, & I dunno if I'm prepared. I mean I definitely want to leave, but I'm very sentimental & I'll miss the crap outta this crazy judgemental boring small town.

I have so many thoughts right now, can't write them all down. oh...this summer! :)